Chopper motorcycles...

I love motorcycles in the chopper genre.  However, my view is changing.  Perhaps it's a matter of the older I get, the less problems I want to have with a bike, and the more comfortable I want
it to be.

Let's start with the problems...
My 2005 Big Dog had the following issues, some of which were just a bit annoying, others were VERY major:
- Big Dog stock exhausts were atrocious.  I went thru 5 of them before they owned up to the problem, and were replaced by Arlen Ness pipes
- The front fork seals leaked, and were fixed twice by me, then final fix was done by Arlen Ness.
- The front headlight would constantly break it's bolt, causing it to fall off.
- At around 56,000 miles, the motor needed re-boring as it was burning oil, which was not done until (see the next line)...
- At around 57,000 miles, the oil pump ceased functioning due to a piece of valve guide breaking off inside the motor, and jamming the oil pump
- At around 60,000 miles, the transmission broke a gear in half due to the counter shaft bolt inside coming loose
- The swing arm bolt on the right side broke, TWICE!!!  Even though the first fix was using the Big Dog new and improved bolt, it broke within about a year
- Clutch cable broke about 5 fucking times!!! 
- At 87,000 miles, the rear cylinder head gasket was leaking, thus in need of replacement.  Sold bike at this point.
- Electronics sucked!!! The bike got to the point where it would simply go completely dead while riding, occurring maybe once a month or so.  Replacing the crappy ECM fixed it.

There are those that would say that many times a suspected bad ECM would turn out to not be the actual ECM module, but would instead be a connector.  Thus, even though replacing suspected ECM  fixed the issue, it was really the re-seating, or replacement of a connector that fixed it.  To this I say "So fucking what?!??!".  OK, that was a bit broad of a statement, so allow me to elaborate. 

Yes, it may very well be that a connector was at fault during past times when an owner would either replace the ECM with another ECM, or do as I did, and replace it, and the shitty connectors  with a third party solution.  However, I look at the ECM thing as being more a total system, not just one individual component.  And, as a system, IT SUCKS!

Big Dog chose to use a non-Harley, non-standardized method of electronics, using 5 volt signals running to all the switches and such that in turn tells the ECM module what to do.  I suppose  the lower voltage is what instigated the use of the little tiny bullshit connectors.  Yeah, there's a great fucking idea!  Let's use little tiny fucking connectors on a machine that has a rigid mounted, unbalanced 117 cubic inch motor (ie: high vibration), that is also going to be ridden, at times, through the rain (IE: things get wet).
OK, so we have high levels of vibration, and things getting wet.  Oh yeah, gee, what could go wrong?.  OK, so maybe I don't know shit about anything, but then again, I do know a thing or two  about electronics (Bachelors degree in Electronic Engineering Technology), and over 30 years experience in the field.  To please the people who want to stick to the notion that the ECM is not at fault most of the time, then let's put it this way: "The ECM SYSTEM is at fault almost all the time!!!".

Now let's move onto my second chopper, the 300RS made by Proper Chopper:
- Bike never did start real well.  Never seemed to have the same cranking speed as what I'm used to, and numerous times it would stop cranking with a loud clunk.
- Front fork seal leak (what is it with me and fork seals anyway!)
- Motor pings like crazy under load, especially on freeway when getting on it.  Probably not jetted right.
- Voltage regulator fell off while riding due to the flimsy peice of shit sheet metal bracket cracking in half.
- Tire rubs on wire going into tail light bolt on left side due to insufficient clearance.  Had to cut a slot in the bolt for the wire to give it more room.
- Paint quality is awful!  Looks really good, but something was not done right in the paint procees as pot marks appeared on the rear fender, followed by cracks in the paint on the gas tank.
- Transmission seal leak developed after a few months of ownership
- Transmission shifting issue, with false neutrals, that have now become a fourth gear issue where it sometimes requires several attempts to get it into gear. 3rd gear sometimes has the same
problem.
- At one point the bike kept blowing a fuse, causing it to die.  This was due to wire under frame having been worn thru, shorting to frame.
- Speedometer added an extra 17,000 miles onto the odometer.  The speedo was also a peice of crap to use.  Replaced with Dakota.

So then one realizes that the builders of the bike did some things wrong, such as:
* Regulator bracket
* Wiring placed/installed in such a way that it gets worn thru within a few thousand miles
* Incorrect jetting
* Improper clearance for rear tail light wire to tire

Which then leads one to think: "So what else did they do haphazardly?". 
I mean, fuck, they got the above mentioned obvious things wrong, so what else did they fuck up?  Maybe the starting issue is due to something they did wrong, like improper alignment of  something.  Maybe the tranny seal leak was caused by something installed wrong.  Who knows?  But the above data certainly does not point to a good track record!

And now I'm trying to tackle the tranny shift issue on my own. Holy fucking Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, what a fucking hassle!!! 

I'm looking at the thing thinking: "Oh, I'll just pop out the oil tank which is blocking access to the top of the tranny, remove the top cover, and I'll be there".  Oh, fuck yeah, after 2+ hours of pulling shit off, and kicking and screaming!" 

It begins with the fact that 2 of the bolts can't be removed for the oil tank because they sit behind an area that you can pretty much only get to by removing the rear tire and splash guard.  OK, got that done.  Now it will not squeeze out thru the side of the bike as it hits the ground wire going to the starter.  OK, got that removed.  Still a tight squeeze, but managed to finally get the fucking oil tank out.  Remove the 4 screws holding the tranny cover on, and now the fucking thing won't come at as it hits the starter.  OK, loosen starter, cuss up a storm again, and the fucking cover finally pops off.  At this point I'm thnking it's a miracle that I didn't have to pull the engine, front forks and handlebars!!!  FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm staring at the key element that lead me down this hell path...the shift pawl!  Seems simple enough now, just tweak the adjuster, which is an allen bolt, until the shift pawl is centered...TO WITHIN 0.01 FUCKING INCHES!!!!!"  Meaning, you look at the gap on one side of the pawl to the one pin on the shift drum, then look at the same gap on the other side, and adjust so the difference between the gaps is within 0.01".  REALLY?!??!!?  This is 1/100 of an inch!!!  Stack 2 human hairs and that's about the fucking width!  I guess I can forget about eye balling this thing!  I know, I know...there are feeler gauges and such out there for such a task.  However, it seems that there is going to be at least 0.01" worth of slop in the mechanism as you move the thing about.  Now only that, but one is suppose to loosen the jam nut, tweak the allen screw, tighten the jam nut, and maintain the 0.01" during all that tightening of stuff?

FUCK!

Yeah, and I can just see it now.  I'm going to spend hours, cursing and sweating over this fucking thing, only to get it all re-assembled, only to have it not work!  Which means taking to a steep cliff...er...oops!...sorry...got carried away there!  I mean, take it the dealer to have them fuck with it.  And what's the first thing that they'll do?  Probably take it apart to the point where I already had it torn down to. 

I'm thinking that I will take the fucking bike to the dealer BEFORE re-assembling it.  That way I at least save on the labor of them tearing it down.  Let them pull their hair out over this  thing, then proceed to charge me an arm and a left nut as with my luck, it's something deep within the bowels of it that's fucked up!  Perhaps I'm being overly pessimistic.  Maybe they'll look at it, and will say "Oh, there's your problem right there!", and proceed to fix in within minutes, and charge me about $2.99!  OK, that's being a bit overly optimistic.  Realistically though, I'm leaning towards "I'M FUCKED!".